Grandad Cooper

This post includes a journal I have kept over the past weeks. Grandad has been very ill since early January and this has been a season of putting first things first and ordering priorities. I am so blessed that Darrel is at home in the mornings and has flexibility and that our boys are old enough to be at home alone when I needed to be elsewhere. I spent 30-40 hours a week with Grandad and it was a blessing to have those times with him, despite the circumstances. I wanted to support him and Grandma as well as Dad and Linda. Dad, Linda, Grandma and I shared shifts (cousin Jeff was also so very faithful to come and visit, almost daily. Others from church, the community and the family came as they were able). I wanted Dad to have peace about being able to go to work,so I tried to get to Grandad soon after he left each morning. I will always remember these weeks as times of relational healing, as we came together to care for our loved one. I was sharing with a friend about how scattered and unfocused I have been this entire school year. I worry that the boys have not learned as much as they should have. She kindly reminded me that there are bigger lessons that they have learned, life lessons. They have learned what it means to care for others, to stand by those who are hurting and to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Indeed. Those are the lessons that books cannot teach.

January 5—Just as we were arriving at the school to set up for church, Dad got a call from Grandma. She was on her way to the ER with Grandad, he was presenting with arm pain and numbness. He had been to the same ER a month before and was released when the stress test came back clear. He was not admitted for observations. A month later, he returned and this time they admitted him and said that he has sustained two “small” heart attacks and has blockages in his heart. Stint surgery was scheduled for Monday morning.

I went to visit him for a few hours that afternoon and he seemed to be in good spirits, declaring that his daily breakfast at Hardee’s was still a safe food choice. Who will convince him otherwise, he’s been eating there for over twenty years.

January 6—The doctor could not move forward with the stint placements. Grandad has significant blockages and needs a triple (or quadruple) bypass.I was not surprised by the news, but was still saddened. Grandad leads an active life, still goes to “work” four days a week, goes to work out at a rehab facility twice a week, goes to Ruritan meetings, church and other events each week. We all knew that he and Grandma were aging and that they are blessed to have such an active lifestyle at 83. Still, we would love and cherish as many years as we can have with them!

January 7—I went to visit Grandad for several hours. He remains in good spirits and we are all ready to get the show on the road. The sooner he gets the surgery, the sooner his recovery can begin. The nurse educator came in to talk about what we could expect before, during and after surgery. Aunt Linda and I went to watch an informational video to get further educated.

January 9--Grandad was scheduled for his triple (or quadruple) bypass surgery. Around 3 a.m. he was using the restroom (in his hospital room) and he fell. Dad called me around 8 and I headed to the hospital, where about ten other family members had gathered.

We didn’t want to make a stink about the incident, we know that things like that happen. However, the biggest concern was that the injuries he sustained (small bleed in his head and small break in his rib) would keep him from moving forward with the surgery. It would be far too risky to give him blood thinners with those injuries. They talked of sending him home to wait for three weeks for the surgery.

I spent most of the day with family and some of us went to see a friend who works in patient safety. We then waited for another six hours to see the doctor and the social worker. I was not happy with the news. Grandad would be sent home, with no care, to wait for his surgery. If they wanted to get in home health care, it would be at their expense.

After nine hours, I left the hospital, discouraged and angry. “The system” is not working for the best interest and safety of patients. If we want quality care for our loved ones, we must fight for that right. Sad, exhausting and true.

I must say, my aunt Linda is holding up so well! Her husband passed away three years ago and for all of us, the memories of his time in the hospital have hit us. She is being brave and asking questions and being present. I see God’s healing hand at work in her life.

My dad, as always, is loyal and faithful. He sits by Grandad’s bedside, takes care of little needs here and there and is available. I know his presence is a comfort to Grandad.

January 10—After checking for any available options, the only one we had was to take Grandad home and to wait almost three weeks for his surgery. No heart monitor, no overnight help, no home health care (except for an hour here or there), no rehab facility. Nada. Despite the fact that he was unable to have surgery due to injuries sustained in a fall on their watch, RMH was sending him home.

Discharge orders were given around noon, but it was after seven in evening until he was released. Dad and Linda took him home, through a soupy mess of fog. Dad stayed the night and got up at least four times to assist Grandad with going to the bathroom. It was a long night.

January 11—Grandad had a day at home today. Dad came to the boys’ birthday party but he looked exhausted. Around 10 he called me to say that Grandad was having the same arm pain/numbness so they called 911. Grandad went back to RHM, had to go through the whole ER process and around 4 a.m. was readmitted for observation. This time he was put on the fifth floor, which was a disappointment. I know several nurses on the second floor and the department is known for being one of the best.

January 12—No one slept well last night. Dad, Linda, Grandma and Beau didn’t get to sleep until after five. I was restless but decided to stay at home until morning. When I walked into Grandad’s room at 9 a.m., he looked ten years older than he had looked on Thursday. I walked over to his bed, kissed him on the cheek and said, “I love you.” He took my hand and we both began to cry. “I don’t want them to send me home again.” For the first time, I saw some fear in him. And, utter exhaustion!

I stayed with him for about five hours. After breakfast, he napped for over an hour. I kept the lights down, answered the phones as soon as they rang and asked the aid to give him a few more minutes to sleep before his blood draw.

January 13—I spoke to Grandad this morning, just after his CT scan. Awhile later, I received a call from Dad that surgery would be 7:30 tomorrow.

Nurses today: Annette Martin

January 14—Today was Grandad’s triple bypass surgery. I was at the hospital around 6. Dad, Grandma, Linda and I hung out with him while nurses came and went. We got Jessi on FaceTime so their family could say good morning. We prayed for Grandad before they took him down to prep for surgery. I read Psalm 91 to him again.

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge…” from Psalm 91

He went down to prep for the OR at 7:30 and didn’t go into surgery until 9. The surgery was over around 10:40. We waited and waited for them to let us go back to see him. Grandma, Dad, Linda and I went back around 1, his eyes were barely opened. We didn’t stay long, just assured him that we were there and that he was in capable hands.

The waiting room was filled with Coopers. Harry, Dianne, Jerry, Tommy, Jeff, Robin, the Sennetts, Brian Gillispie and others. Harry and Jerry went back to see Grandad for a few minutes, but then we decided he needed rest.

I hung around the hospital until about 4 and left, since there was little I could do at that point. Dad stayed and Linda came back after taking Grandma home. Dad and Linda have been amazing and I am so proud of both of them for the ways they have stood by Grandad and Grandma, supporting and advocating for them.

CCU Nurse: Michael Heatwole

January 15—Gradad was able to get up and sit in a chair in the CCU this morning. By late morning, he was in a regular room on 2 West. I did not go in today, I needed a day to recuperate.

January 16—Today is Thursday, twelve days since Grandad arrived at the ER at RMH. I arrived at the hospital around 9 to find him groggy. He was not very talkative and didn’t have much of an appetite.Linda asked me to make some calls to get the process rolling for his release and admission to rehab I did that and went to find his nurse.

Several of the nurses today were ones I met while Renee Johnson was recovering from her open heart surgery. I approached his RN for the day and she said, “He’s stoic.” I just looked up the official definition and it reads, “a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.” She said he was doing everything that was asked of him, but would not ask for pain meds when he needed them.

I assured her that Grandad is normally a happy fella and if he felt better, he would be talking, joking and trying to figure out her her parents and grandparents were.The next time she came in the room, she said, “So, my family owned L & S Diner” and he slowly came around. His answers were short, but his mind was sharp and soon he had a smile on his face. How precious to see his personality shining through the fog of his meds.

I assisted the same nurse with two walks. He used the walker and all but shuffled, but it was progress.

I ache to see him in this condition. He has led a healthy, active life to this point, working four days a week, working out two days a week, driving himself to and fro, going to meet his friends for breakfast each morning, being a part of the Ruritans and attending church each Sunday. I know this is all part of life, but I do not want to see him suffer or go downhill. It is so humiliating to have a keen mind and not be able to take care of yourself.

Nurses: Liza (charge), Krista (RN)

January 17—I was with Grandad from 9-5 today. He was so sleepy all day. He rallied between 12-2 to eat, sit up and kept his eyes OPEN for almost two full hours. He surprised us by mustering up strength to walk around 3. He may be discharged tomorrow or Sunday to rehab.

We were concerned about a huge bruise on his hip and the pain he was experiencing from that. This was another injury he sustained in the fall last week, and we did not know about it. The X-ray revealed no break, but did show arthritis. Grandad hasn’t had an issue with that before, but we understand that the fall may have aggravated it.

He was a bit discouraged today, and upset at himself for not progressing faster. I told him not to be hard on himself. The doctor presented him with the best case scenario and should have given him a broader spectrum of scenarios. Grandad is almost 84 years old and needs to be given time to heal.

I messaged some of his nurses on Facebook, thanking them for a job well done. I also sent a private message to two of the charge nurses on his floor, asking them to encourage him. As professionals, he may hear that from them more than from us.

Nurses today: Carsissa, Catherine (Ms. Sunshine!!!), Nora and others

January 18--

January 19—Today, Grandad was transferred to VMRC’s Oak Lea for rehab. He was transferred just before noon, so Dad, Linda and I met him there after church and began to figure out his new care plan. We chose VMRC over several other rehab facilities, because it is cleaner, has a better reputation and its location is convenient, three minutes from Dad, ten minutes from Grandma and fifteen minutes from Linda. I could see quickly see that this transfer was going to be an adjustment.

At the hospital, most of the nurses were RN’s. Here, there is one RN who is over a team of CNA’s. Most of the RN’s and CNA’s are young. They are understaffed, each one can be responsible for 7-8 patients at a time. Grandad requires a two person assist, as he is unable to strain his chest muscles when getting up from his bed or his chair.

January 20—I woke up at one this morning and felt so uneasy about Grandad. I didn’t have a direct line to the nurse’s station, so I was unable to call to check on him. I prayed for him, cried some more and tried to sleep. By 5, Dad was there and saw that Grandad had had a horrible night. He is having trouble with urination and the nurses do not come fast enough to help him when he needs to relieve himself. He experienced horrible pain from the cath  at the hospital and does not want to go back to that. The other option is wearing a brief and he really doesn’t want to do that either. When Dad found him, he was not in good shape. He also had broken out in sweats and was laying in the bed, shivering from being soaked from sweat.

I asked Darrel and the boys to visit Grandad with me this morning. We made some cards with scriptures to encourage him and went around 9. Jeff was there when we arrived and told us that Grandad had a rough night and was getting a bath. When we went in to see him, he was in his bed. It was the first time any of my guys had seen him and I think it hit them hard. We visited for a bit, then gathered around his bed to pray. All four of my guys were crying as Darrel prayed. I decided to stay with Grandad a few more hours, I just could not leave him. The regular doctor was sick, so a sub came in and I was not the least bit impressed. He didn’t like that we were asking questions and he told Grandad he could kick us out any time he wanted. It became apparent to me that the rehab center is used to people being dropped off and visited on occasion, if at all. Not so with our family. We will be sure he is cared for and sadly, the more visible family members are, the better care patients receive.

January 21—It snowed today and I decided to stay home.

January 22—It was –10 degrees this morning and I decided to make my way to VMRC. I do not usually go out in such treacherous weather, but I didn’t want Grandad to be alone today. I drove carefully and slowly. I arrived around 8 and stayed until 5. It was a long day and I know Grandad was discouraged. Before leaving the hospital, he was walking several times a day and now he was hardly moving. Dr. Shenk spent about thirty minutes with Grandad, getting his history and listening to his concerns. I was relieved that he seemed more concerned than the other doctor. 

January 23—I stayed home today and Darrel went in to spend several hours with Grandad. I just needed a day at home and I was so grateful for that Darrel was willing to take a turn. He got to experience the frustration of waiting for nurses to respond to the call bell. Grandad still needs two people to assist him every time he needs to use the restroom, move to his bed or chair, etc. He hates to be a bother, but there is nothing he can do about it.

January 24—I visited Grandad this morning. He continues to have rough nights, with very little sleep. That is wearing on him.

January 26—Darrel and I stopped by to visit Grandad after church today. He seemed to be a bit better, but was still confined to his room. He had not had PT that day and I was concerned that he was just sitting around. I asked the nurses to take him on a walk and he went a great distance, with his walker. I was relieved. Upon returning to his room, we realized that another man who is a patient had staked his claim with Grandma, thinking she was his wife. It took three nurses to get him away from Grandma and as Darrel told the story, Grandad laughed so hard. It was refreshing to see him laughing again.

January 28—I stopped by to see Grandad this afternoon. What  a relief to see him out of his room, sitting in the big brown armchair at the nurse’s station!

January 30—Today was Grandad’s follow up appointment with his surgeon, Dr. McDonald. Dad, Grandma and I arrived around noon to visit with Grandad before the trip to the hospital. Once again, he was camped out at the nurses station, visiting with any and everyone who passed by. He was very sleepy today, probably a result of his increased sleep aid. VMRC’s transport picked us up at 2:45. I rode in the van with Grandad. Once there, we sat and waited…waited…waited…Grandad was very uncomfortable from sitting in the wheelchair for so long. Around 4, we were called back to a room. Dr. Eugene covered most of the appointment and was very patient with our questions, much to my relief. Dr. McDonald stopped by for a few minutes as well. We had to hurry to get blood work done and then called the transport van to pick us up. It was almost 5:30 before we got back to VMRC and Grandad was done with his wheelchair and was so sleepy. Dad picked up McDonald’s for us and we ate together before I headed home.

January 31—I stopped by to see Grandad this morning. I was thrilled to see him in the therapy room when I arrived. He was working hard and smiled as his PT told me that he no longer needed a wheelchair or walker! He has graduated to needing one person and a therapy band around his waist. He slept from 9-6 and only woke twice to use the bathroom, his best night since before surgery. We visited for awhile before I had to head out. He loves his new post at the nurse’s station, where he is free to visit with patients and visitors as they come and go. I spoke to Dad this evening and he said that Grandad has had a good day. He hasn’t had many visitors today, but since he is up and moving more, we feel that he is OK.

February 2—Darrel and I visited with Grandad after church. Grandma had been there but took the opportunity to slip away for lunch. He was in his new post, the brown easy chairs at the nurse’s station, visiting with everyone who passed by. He told us a story and was laughing to the point of shedding tears. It was so good to see him laughing like that!

February 4—I went to visit Grandad before my shift at the pregnancy center. Every day he seems to be getting stronger. He is so ready to get out of rehab. Dad refers to it as jail and to the patients as inmates. I know at least one who is more than ready to break out!

February 6—We have had sickness at our house again this week, so I have not been able to go visit much. Today was Grandad’s care plan meeting. If all goes well, he will get to go home on Tuesday.

February 7—Darrel picked up Grandad, Linda and the physical therapist this afternoon and took them to my grandparent’s house. They assessed the environment and looked for areas of concern, making sure it was a safe place for him to return to. Other than a few minor adjustments, they were given the green light to bring him home next week.

February 9—We stopped by to visit Grandad after church. He had gone upstairs and enjoyed the service at VMRC. He seemed to be in good spirits and was enjoying visits with family and friends.  He has a pretty bad cold, so I am concerned and hoping that it does not settle into Pneumonia!

February 11 or 12—Grandad went HOME today! We were sick and could not help in any way, but we were so glad to hear this good news!

February 15—The twins and I went to visit Grandma and Grandad, at their house today!! It was so nice to be able to sit on the couch in the living room and visit, rather than a hospital room or rehab lounge. I worked on thank you baskets for the nurses at RMH and VMRC. Linda was there as well and it was so good to see her in a different environment. She has truly been a trooper through this entire ordeal. I have been amazed by her resilience. Grandad is still not resting at night and that is wearing him down. He had X-rays taken and was told he did not have Pneumonia, but something is not right.

February 16—I woke up to another early Sunday morning call from Dad. They called 911 to take Grandad back to the ER. I told Dad to just stay with him and that we’d check in after worship. I was tempted to call Pastor Tim and ask for the morning off, but since we’ve been so hit or miss lately, I didn’t. We struggled to get to church, set up and practice.  Something was wrong with the Power Points, so Tim decided to forgo the worship. I was so relived and just wished I had followed my heart earlier…I was so distracted, so torn. I kept calling Dad for updates and just wishing away time. We had plans to go to someone’s house for lunch, and I was distracted through that. Finally, around 3, I arrived at the ER. He was still there, nine hours later, laying on a gurney. He looks so worn and frail when I walked into the room. I was overcome with emotion and had to choke it back. They ran several tests and discovered fluid on (not in) his lungs. They decided to admit him, but it was after five until they took him up to his room, nearly 12 hours after he came to the hospital. I begged Dad, Grandma and Linda to go home, they had been there since six. Various friends stopped by to visit, so there was nonstop activity. Grandad was beyond exhausted. We were relieved that he was put on 2 West, the floor full of sweet nurses who cared for him prior to his surgery.  Across the hall were the nurses who cared for him after the surgery, so he had plenty of smiling faces to welcome him back. I stayed with him until about eight and made sure he was settled, fed and in decent spirits. Plans were to have an Echo Cardiogram and a Thoracentesis the following morning. I tucked him in and promised to return in the morning.

February 17—I arrived at RMH around 8 and was there until about three. It was a good day, but exhausting. Faithful cousin Jeff stopped by and cousin Robin came for a visit. Across the hall, the Feraro’s were preparing for Karl’s release. They had stopped by the evening before. Grandad and Karl, dressed in their hospital gowns and yellow (fall risk) socks made quite a pair. I met Lauren, the wife of Shawn who was Grandad’s driver at VMRC. We also had a super sweet student nurse who spent the day with us. Grandad had not slept much, the pressure of the fluid pressing against his lungs kept him from resting. He slept (snored) through his Echo Cardiogram. Soon after, they wheeled him downstairs for the Thoracentesis. They removed over three cups of fluid from around his lungs and he felt immediate relief.  By the time the procedure was over, Linda and Grandma had arrived. I left shortly there after.

February 18--Grandad was released to go HOME today! I was at HPC, getting ready to start my shift when Linda called me. She wasn’t able to get to him and we had more snow, so Grandma wasn’t willing to drive. Darrel dropped everything and went to drive him home. Of course, the release process took several hours, but Darrel was gracious and stayed with him until he was released.

February 23—Today is Sunday. I woke up, wondering if there would be another Sunday morning ambulance ride and extensive ER visit. No call came. We went to church, set up, and practiced. Grandma and Grandad came and he made it through the worship. I made sure to sing his favorite hymn medley, “Amazing Grace/Grace Greater Than All My Sin/How Marvelous.” Later in the afternoon, we had a birthday party for Levi and he came. How blessed it was to sit around a table, with four generations of Coopers, eating, talking and celebrating. I so hope that many more such times are ahead of us!