In a world that is spinning every day with jobs, sports, hobbies, church commitments, family obligations and home upkeep, how do we practice the gift of hospitality? How do we find enough hours in our day to clean the house, make a fancy meal, coordinate our schedules with other busy people and find energy to clean the kitchen after they leave? Simply put...we don't!First and foremost, hospitality needs to focus on people. We don't need to worry about impressing, but rather embracing. We don't need to have a big house or a manicured lawn to be hospitable. We don't need to spend $50 on ingredients to make a meal that we'd never make for our family. We don't need to prepare our homes for a white glove inspection. We simply need to open our doors (and our hearts) to others.
*Invite them.
Invite people to come sit on your couch and chat, sit at your table and play a game with your family or include them in a meal. People are lonely, they have very few relationships of depth and they are hungry for fellowship and true intimacy. Five minutes here and an hour there can make a world of difference for most people.
If we do offer a meal, we should keep it simple, something that is easy and affordable to prepare and even easier to clean up. When we have guests in our home, we want to focus on them, not a sink full of dirty dishes! Some simple suggestions are store bought (yes, I did say that!) lasagna, baked potatoes and toppings, chili or soup with bread or salad. We spend about ten dollars on a meal that we make at home for our family. When we invite guests over, we spend about fifteen on a meal, adding in larger portions and a treat or two. There are times that I feel my offerings are too humble, but then I remember the focus is people, not putting on a show for people.
If you cannot prepare a meal, offer dessert, coffee or a glass of water. In our culture, most gatherings are centered around food, food and more food. It is possible to be hospitable without spending three days in the kitchen preparing food. Keep boxed brownie or cake mixes on hand. Buy ice cream when it's on sale (most stores offer a weekly buy one, get one free special). Two cans of fruit (cherries, peaches,apples, blueberries, etc.) baked with oatmeal, butter and brown sugar topping makes a simple and delicious fruit crisp. Brew a pot of coffee or a pitcher of iced tea. When you have nothing else to offer, a glass of ice water will do. A simple offering makes your guest feel welcome, considered and valued.
*Go to them.
Almost weekly, I can think of someone who needs a break from cooking. Often, I will make a double or triple batch of a casserole or other recipe. One to freeze, one to eat, one to give away. It doesn't take much longer to prep three dishes and the clean up is usually the same as when I make one dish. It's not difficult to find someone who is tired, stressed, ill or just needing a boost. I know how much it blesses me to be given a meal that I didn't have to make. I try to take these meals in disposable containers so that the recipient does not need to return dishes. Some times that is not possible, so don't let that detail hinder you from sharing a meal with others. If time allows and is welcomed by the recipient, stay and chat for a few minutes or offer to pray with the person in need.
Making the effort to go to someone on their turf helps them to feel that they can reciprocate. If you visit their home they will be more likely to feel comfortable coming to your home. Call ahead and arrange a time so they don't feel caught off guard.
*Be available.
People need to know that they are not a bother to us. While sitting with our pastor recently, he told us about the policy he had during his years of youth ministry. The young people knew that if the porch light was on at their house, they were welcome to just stop by. If the light was off, they knew the family was not available. The youth were free to drop by, hang out, goof off or enter into a heart to heart talk with their pastor. I like this idea. In a day of cell phones, computers, Facebook and texting, it is easy to lose face to face contact with others. We need to make a deliberate effort to let others know we love them and to welcome them into our personal space.
For our neighborhood, our yard has been a place of gathering. We have several families on our street who know that our swing set, yard and basketball net are free game for all to use. We don't have to be here, they are welcome to come over as they want. Sometimes our boys are outside playing with the younger children. Other times, we need to eat dinner or do something inside, so the yard will be full of neighbors without us. In the early stages of this arrangement, it felt awkward to have people in our yard while we were inside. Now, it is a very normal event and we're all quite comfortable with it. We will return from a trip to town and see people in our yard. It blesses our hearts to know others feel comfortable coming over, even when we're away.
*Be prepared.
Our home is about 1,500 square feet. Five of us live, learn and love here. My husband and I each run our businesses from here. We home school three growing boys here. Daily, we are challenged to be good stewards of what we've been given. We strive to keep the downstairs tidy and then give the boys some freedom to explore and create upstairs. My preference would be to have the entire house spic and span 24/7, but I am finding balance and know that the boys need their space, too. We work as a family to keep our living room, kitchen and school room tidy at all times. The bedrooms are catch all rooms and messes seem to accumulate there often. Those doors can be shut. I want friends and family to feel comfortable stopping by any time, so this allows us all to feel safe with that possibility.
*Do not apologize.
I feel uncomfortable when I visit someone and they apologize for the condition of their home, or for the fact they they haven't had their shower for the day, or they are embarrassed that they don't have something to offer me to eat or drink. This can make me feel that I am interrupting, in the way or a bother to them. I am sure that is not their intention, but I do not want to make others feel that way. I am learning to welcome them at the door, offer a warm hug and a genuine smile, take a deep breath and sit down on the couch to visit. The ten or twenty minutes we invest in that person's day will impact them. We say "You matter more than any plan I was making, my chores can wait. You have worth to me."
Also, do not apologize for your home. This is a hard one for me. Our home is well kept but it is humble in size. Many people are surprised when they walk in the door and say something like, "Oh, it's bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside." Another common comment is, "It's so cozy." I find myself feeling like I need to prepare people ahead of time and I end up apologizing before they even pull in my driveway. I have felt convicted in this area because God gave us our home, He provided a place for us to live at an affordable price and it's as if I say, "God, this just isn't good enough." Truth be known, I don't ever want to live in a home that intimidates others. I want to have a home where folks who are living at poverty level and folks who are living in $800,000 houses all feel welcome. I will stop apologizing, I will stop being ungrateful for what I've been given!
*Include your family.
Make certain that your children feel included when you have people in your home. Teach them to interact with people of all ages. My sons enjoy playing with their one year old cousin, visiting with an elderly neighbor and hanging with kids their own age. They make eye contact and answer questions that are directed at them. They sit at the table and eat with us, then go upstairs to play quietly while we visit. Often, they will come and whisper that they want to play a game with our guests. Some times that works, other times I simply say, "We'll play a game later, right now Mom and Dad need some time to talk with our guests."
Don't stop there. Consider your extended family as well. At our church, we have many family clans who attend church together. At times those close family units can be exclusive and make others feel left out. As you look around on Sunday morning, knowing you will be gathering later for a family meal, consider others who are sitting in church alone. Invite them to join you and your family for a meal. Include them in conversation, get to know them better. Refrain from "inside jokes" that may leave an newcomer feeling left out.
I have offered some suggestions of how to practice the gift of hospitality. There are many other ways to make folks feel welcome in our lives and in our homes. I pray that each of us would grow in this area and be an extension of His love to those He brings to our door.
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