Tuning In

This is a message from my B...

The past few months have been some of the darkest, most destitute times I have ever experienced. Ever. Promises broken, dreams crushed, painful emotions felt to the deepest depth I have ever felt. Betrayed. Abandoned. Despaired. Worthless. Forsaken. Just to name a few. To add insult to injury, I have been without a dependable source of transportation, so I have felt trapped as well. I was going to call a dear friend and plan an escape getaway, but then remembered I didn't even have a way to get there. What a cage!

As I have suffered, so have my boys. I see the ways they are affected and that crushes my heart even more. The one thing that gets me out of bed each day is knowing that they depend on me. They need me. Perhaps no one else in this world does, but my three sons do. For that, I am here. I purpose in my heart, no matter how despaired I feel, that they will have a safe place to air their feelings, concerns, fears and griefs. I often ask them "What can Mommy do better?" or "How can I help you with what you feel today?" They are honest and upfront with me. I ask them to share one thing I do that makes them feel safe and one thing that I need to work on. When an apology is called for, I seek their forgiveness and do my best not to repeat that offense. It is a daily battle and I fight with all my might to be the mommy that they need me to be.

The green couch is our rendezvous point. We begin most days on that couch, all four of us snuggled under one long fleece blanket. We pray on the armor from Ephesians 6 and ask the Lord to be with us during the day. This morning the boys staggered out of bed one by one, so I had time to snuggle with each one individually. Precious. They are so dear to my heart.

Most days we end up with a similar powwow, sometimes back on the couch or upstairs in the twins' room. Big brother B wants to be near his brothers, to watch over and protect them, so we've made him a pallet on the floor. We share our "Blessing and Bummer" from the day and end by praying the Lord's Prayer together.

In these trying times, and always, it is imperative that we connect to the hearts of our children. The world around us is growing more and more wicked by the day. God gave us the awesome responsibility to raise up a godly generation of children who will love Him and serve others. What a task! I believe, with all of my heart, that we can make a difference in the world around us if we are in tune to the ones He's placed in our care. God, help us!