It has been a hard day. I spent a good bit of the morning in a soggy mess, trying hard not to return to fetal position. Life hurts. When the boys were concerned about me, I told them why I was crying, and they said "But Mom, that happened yesterday." If only life could be that simple. It happened, it's over, I move on. Not so with the human heart. An incident that occurred a month ago, still unresolved, came to mind and I sobbed harder. I have forgiven. I must, for my own good and for the sake of staying soft, pliable and open to the Holy Spirit. But I cannot forget. I believe God allows us to remember most things, so that we learn to protect ourselves in the future. If we touch a hot stove when we are little, we will get burned and hopefully a small injury will keep us from a bigger one later on. I am learning to apply that same principle in relationships. If there is someone who hurts me over and over again, I need to learn to set boundaries to protect myself. Painful relationships are worse than a burning stove. They can wound our spirits, and leave scars that no one really sees. I am aware again of how crucial it is to guard my heart, to keep those things that are precious and sacred to myself and a few trusted friends.
Of course there is one form of pain that we do tend to forget. And, again, it was God's plan and idea. Childbirth. Who in their right mind would ever do that more than once, if they could remember the pain? I thank God for the amazing ways that He protects us! And, I thank Him that even though I cannot forget, He gives me the strength to put one foot in front of the other. The hugs and love that come from my three sons are like His own arms wrapped around me, saying "You can do this. You can keep going. You must. For their sake."
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