Wow. I feel like I am floating today. I got home last night from my Creative Memories party, put the order through and then sat down to post a note on Facebook. "100 Things About My Adulthood," a sequel to the one I wrote last weekend, "100 Things About My Childhood." This has been long, hard and reflective week. Just writing out that many things in sequence about my life wore me out. And it also showed me that I have cause for being tired, worn out and a little (or a lot) depressed. We all walk through hard times, desert places. As I wrote, I tried to focus mainly on the good, but I am not "me" without the pain and sorrow thrown in. It took a lot out of me to even remember it all. And there are dozens of other things I remembered later. Thus the reason I was unable to fall asleep until after 3 a.m.
About two years ago I was losing my passion and fire for leading worship. Not because I wanted to stop worshipping, not because I was mad at God, not because I didn't enjoy leading others to His presence. I was losing the heart of worship. Now, I am beginning to feel the fire burning in me again. I am on a worship team with people who have so much talent but are utterly humble. We don't do anything fancy, but we offer the best of who we are to Him each time we come together. We are a team, and we do not perform nor do we elevate one member above any other. Jesus is the one we exalt. I sense His presence each time we lead and I am in awe that He would use the likes of me to be a part of that.
Just today, I was again on Facebook and by chance (like I believe THAT), I was IMing a dear lady and fellow worship leader. At the same time, I noticed a friend request from another gal, her friend, also a worship leader. They were in the midst of planning a retreat to get away and work on writing songs together. And, they invited me to join them. I am blown away. First of all, that these women WANT me to spend time with with, worship with them, write with them. Secondly, it is the cry of my heart to see churches come together, as the Body of Christ...and worship the One who is worthy! This I have been waiting for, longing for, aching for. Just when I was about to give up the hope of ever finding anyone else who wanted this...God is so faithful!
Pray for us. I don't want to write a song just so that I can say I wrote a song. I want to write something that is from His heart to His people, or from our hearts in gratitude for how good He is. Therein lies the problem, are there words that are good enough? I have been locked up inside, hidden away for so long and I want to break free and be the woman and the worshipper that He has called me to be!
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