To Walk By Faith

Some days I just feel "blah." Know what I mean? Especially when life takes a turn that I don't like or tragedy hits. Some days I just feel "blah" for no obvious reason. Later I may find out that something horrible happened to someone I love and then I'll think "So, maybe that's why I was feeling so down." Here it is, the week of Thanksgiving and I feel guilty for not being more peppy, upbeat and positive. The fact is, I have so much to be grateful for. So much. But it's only making me feel worse to say that, now I am adding guilt to the "blah" pile.

This has been a very hard season to walk through. Many disappointments along the way. "They" say "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." I think I'll default to Hallmark's version of that statement and say "What doesn't kill me makes me bonkers." I feel a little bonkers these days. OK, a lot bonkers. In my head I know all the right things I should say and feel. God is with me. He has never failed me and He never will. He won't let me go. All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called by Him. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. I walk by faith, not by sight. He knows and sees all things. I know all this to be true. I just feel that I am living in "Blah-land" and I really want to soar above it all. My word to focus on for 2008 has been "Restoration." Here I am, at the end of November and I feel that so many thing in my life are not restored, many that are far from resolved. I know that these times are perilous and that as we move on more and more things will be uncertain. I want to be a woman of faith, not one who falters and quivers at every bump in life's road.

Just the other day, I was talking to a friend. She is a nurse who takes care of all kinds of folks with different ailments. She described one elderly lady that she's been caring for. Whenever B comes in the room and asks her how she's doing, she replies with "I'm blessed. I'm saved. Jesus has a home for me in heaven and I'll be with Him one day." One night, the patient began crashing and B was trying to communicate with her, asking how she was. "I'm blessed, I'm saved, I'm going to see my Jesus." And B responded "Not on my shift, you're not." We laughed together as she told me that story, then she said, "I can just see you now, H. You'd be just like that lady. Full of faith in your Jesus, ready to meet Him." I told her, "Oh, honey I can only hope so. I don't feel that full of faith, but I sure hope I'll get there." I pray that I will. I want to be solid, grounded, unshakable. I want to be strong, courageous and tenacious.

Oh, God, help me to be the woman You've called me to be. Because You deserve my best...